but they are here, hovering, lurking, skulking. their surfaces give way to much, much deeper pits than i anticipated.
such frustration lives in the body! old hurts. past lives. expectations. high hopes. a spattered mosaic of colorfully uncomfortable emotion. to sift through them is to sift through the self entirely. it is to directly dismantle the unstable foundations, brick by brick.
there are so many views to look at. i often wonder why the basement level with no windows appeals to me most. what about the ground is so intriguing?
i feel as if i am caring for a garden. few plants root strongly into the soil. weeds grow and grow and grow. maintenance is a daily chore. but…
the gardening process is in reality learning how to love the maintenance enough to not see it as maintenance at all. it’s learning to pause within the brow sweating business of removal and smile, and feel the sun and the prospect of hope on the horizon.
so, here i am. standing at the foot of my 25th year, simultaneously shirking away from transformation and violently charging at it with all my might. questions still abound. answers still hide in the dirt. guess i’m looking forward to getting my hands a little dirty this year.
love, light, beauty, and peace,