in march, astrologers pointed to the sky and claimed april was to slap us all silly hard with sudden unexpected changes and rocking insights. the discomfort! they claimed. the horribly wild unknown! they shouted.
as april fast approached i resisted the urge for anxious thoughts, for self-sabotage, for fear of the future. the absence of anxiousness allowed space to grow. space for breath, space for gentleness, space for trust. what did these astrologers know of my little life anyhow? could i not be my own star searcher?
no, i said. i will trust my self.
april ends tomorrow. giddiness percolates my insides.
honest conversation this month, with words not dressed in disguise but in actual factual truth, tore off my defenses. my teachers exposed me. showed me where i am clinging, desperate for answers, conclusion, immediate known. i was shown all i wish to control. stripped bare, defenseless, vulnerable to the bone, i realized — from such softness emerges strength. lean in to what feels impossible to touch. experience the lessons provided for growth. change need not be horrific like a slow moving car crash. do not fight against what you and your world are becoming.
gleefully cast off what no longer serves you. sever yourself free. what of worry? there is no need. for, it is all happening. now, as you sit, and breathe. your life is falling into place, as it should, at its own pace. resist rushing. resist planning. resist the want to redecorate the rooms of your existence — you are germinating.
the hard parts to swallow, the moments of awkwardness, painful pain, dulling boredom — all of this only exists to remind you of why you live, truly. not for jobs, not for relationships, not for adventure, but for the mere opportunity to be human, to feel as a human, to grow as a human. to simply, be.
spring has proven to be quite amazing. i, the great ice queen, am melting, conceeding. laying down what i thought was true and picking up nothing in return. settling into the silence of flowers, the quiet of blue sky, the harmonies of nature —
i am freer than i ever thought possible and bound only to the limitations i believe. so why not believe otherwise?
change is here. it always has been. it always will be. learn to accept it and find yourself…floating free.