the past comes to meet the present sometimes

yesterday i spiraled down down to the pit of a place i used to live in.
it is dark, it is lonely, it is not cozy or warm.

the feeling snuck in fast and stealthily, like the flu.

as i drove to work heaviness pervaded. tears filled my eyes, leaked, dried, and welled up all over again. i thought about russia, about ukraine, about argentina. i thought about all the people on the planet who were suffering, and how insignificant my issues looked in comparison. i longed to help but felt helpless, and utterly so. the notion of my smallness enveloped me so completely i easily accepted it. i felt empty, worthless, useless.

i would have stayed down in that pit for who knows how long. i would have continued to fight myself, chastise myself, berate myself. i would have continued to believe in my selfishness, my uselessness, my unimportance on this earth.

until two very simple sentences found me, from two very different and special people.

the love* in my life said: “slow down. that’s not who you are.”

one of my most cherished friends said: “don’t let yourself be fooled.”

and a click clicked into place. the gears moved again. sense prevailed, heaviness lifted, and i stepped back into my space of worth.

don’t be fooled by the voice who tells you you are insignificant. don’t be fooled by the emotions who are transient, like the wind. don’t be fooled into believing something that is not true.

always question what runs rampant and wild in your mind.

you are not your thoughts. your thoughts are not you.

let them come. let them go. breathe in. breathe out.

and remember:

you are always whole, no matter what or who tells you differently.



*does anyone else think the word ‘boyfriend’ sucks? i mean, come on, we’re not boys and girls anymore. it’s just lame.

This entry was published on March 6, 2014 at 3:55 pm. It’s filed under anxiety, emotions and stuff, free write, head trips, honest conversation, life lessons, living, mental illness, mind, personal stories, photography, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

2 thoughts on “the past comes to meet the present sometimes

  1. “I stepped back into my space of worth”. <- This. <3

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