just when i think

just when i think the foggy, misty, cloudy darkness will eat me again, i read a word or two that juts me back into being.
yoga school is blowing my mind.

have i said that enough?

one more time, just in case:

it is blowing my brain up, burning up my ego to humility, and releasing the truest essence of my Self, this spirit that is interchangeable between all living beings.

it is like seeing and being in the world clearly for the first time in twenty four years.

what a long time to be locked up.

my insight has been sparked by the Bhagavad Gita, a book we are reading a huge chunk out of this week. i read the Gita in college, though, admittedly, i half-assed my way through it. at 19, i was in no place to absorb what it was saying. i was too attached to the idea of spirituality being a silly, superficial, unreal thing. as i am prone to do, i said no and that was that. there was no learning, no expanding, to be had.

cracking this book open a second time has left me utterly unable to function — all i want to do is read and absorb. i feel like every sentence is directed exactly at me, asking me to consider and the reconsider. yoga school has dropped me to my knees in reverence. i am humbled and buzzing with the life of change. i did not expect any of this.

what speaks to me so ferociously is this idea of quieting the mind. chapter six of the Gita talks about conquering the controlling mind, the wild, restless untamable entity we often times attach to. my mind has gripped me for years. i listened to its horrible advice, its harsh words. i allowed it to color my reality an ugly shade of terror, depression, anger and doubt since age ten (this is not a joke or an exaggeration).

the Gita, however, asks us to forget this crazy mind and remember instead our truest Selves, this piece of spirit and universe we were born with. when we associate with our minds, we are not associating with our real selves — we are associating with our egos. to live life through the vision of the ego is limiting and dangerous. it sets us up for attachment, expectations, and suffering. but to live from the highest self? to live outside of the controlling mind? to do this is to walk in step with the universe, continually, and to know a peace and serenity that seems unreal but is, truthfully, our most real state of being.

we were not born angry. we were not born depressed, separate, ignorant or mean. our minds created these states of being because they ran free, unchecked, for so long.

yet this path to consciousness, to enlightenment, requires effort. we cannot decide one day to be free and be free. no, we work. we practice. we return, daily, to the practices that reground us in the path of the middle. meditation, breathing exercises, and yoga help to clear the mind of its distracting clutter.

from this purification comes a knowing and from this center of being free and true, we find our worlds transformed. we see love in all creatures because we see ourselves in all creatures. our connection to our earth, our parents, our brothers and sisters all deepen. they are us and we are them. we are all connected.

the translator of this version of the Gita we are reading wrote “without equanimity of mind, one can never see oneself in all beings and all beings in oneself”.

can you imagine what the world might look like if we stopped seeing ourselves as separate from other people? from animals? from trees and sky? can you imagine what peace we might stumble upon if we took ten minutes every day to center our Selves and clear our minds?

i read recently a quote from the dali lama. it said, “if we taught children meditation, we would have world peace in one generation.”

what a notion! world peace, this elusive state, coming to life by the practice of meditation, of sitting, breathing, and clearing. can you imagine what would happen if we taught our children to breathe correctly? to breathe, at all? can you imagine what would happen if we taught our adults?

i wake up every day feeling a little funny. the subtle shift out of mind and body and into the heart, the essence of universal spirit, is insanely enlivening.

so i urge you to show up. see what happens. become the witness to your body and mind, these vessels of your spirit. take control over automatic thinking and acting because you can. repaint the world because you can. choose a new avenue to walk down because you can. create the beauty in the world that you want to see. no one else will do it for you. commit to your practice of regeneration and feel the effects of loosening.

this reaction comes from one chapter. i cannot imagine what the remaining five chapters for this week will bring.

(if i stop answering your phone calls and texts, come check on me — my head might have exploded out of sheer bewilderment)

namaste little beings of light,


This entry was published on October 28, 2013 at 11:59 am. It’s filed under a word, free write, head trips, honest conversation, life lessons, personal stories, personhood, photography, rambles and writing, story time, words, writing, yoga and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

2 thoughts on “just when i think

  1. Thank you so much Zoe for helping me find my center each and every morning with your writings. You are changing my life and enlightening my soul and spirit each and every day. I am so proud of you! I/we love you so very much! donna

    • thank you for supporting me donna! this makes me feel good — this is why i write! so happy to know i am helping you along your journey. hope to see you soon!!


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