i am tired, though this is not new.
back in april i remember thinking, “oh, good, at the end of this month i will have completed the busiest thirty days i’ve had in nearly two years. then i will get to rest.”
well, april busyness turned into may busyness which turned in june busyness and then i woke up one day blinking and thinking, “wait, it’s october? i’m still busy?”
life hasn’t let up, and perhaps i purposefully, semi-unknowingly set it up as such. do we not enjoy keeping busy in order to avoid not thinking or feeling?
true, i am enjoying yoga teacher training, my regular job, and my various social and personal commitments. yet, i still battle daily anxiety. i am not resting enough, or sometimes at all. what little free time i do possess i end up moving more — running errands, hooping, dancing, socializing.
my appreciation for life and my ability to open to the beauty and wonder of it all has increased immensely, and sometimes overwhelmingly. blossoming and butterflying is not as easy as one might think. it requires balance and patience and attention on mass scales. there is still this worry to attend to, still this need for settled quiet time, for reflection.
this blog took a turn into the land of poetry in the past year. however, poems no longer seem to find me. there is still a voice, a ghost of a whisper. though, when i listen, i find rambling stories instead. i unearth memories and lessons and questions, probing explorations. there is expression inside of me i am stifling.
for those who may follow my postings regularly (do those of you even exist?), i am here to tell you i am changing formats. i am opening up a new vein. i am forgetting the codes of poetry, to vagueness of allusion. i am here to share life, the inevitable journey.
will that occasionally include poetry? yes.
of course. but what it will mainly mean is a freer space for me to create, reflect, and express. i am excited to take this step and excited to see who may take it with me.
thanks for reading, if you still are, and namaste.
we’ll speak soon.