break

9:27 am holds grey

in its skies

i sit crossed legged on the couch,
listening to the radio down the hall shout,
watching through windows the brightness of everything illuminated

in three days time i turn twenty-three

today was supposed to be a travel day
but yesterday, i broke

(…again)

i will not take the birthday trip i intended

mental illness
is a funny thing

it’s disheartening, frustrating,
trying, personal, overwhelming,
inexplicable

very rarely do i acknowledge it,
very rarely will i speak openly about it

because very rarely do i accept it as
a part of me, the person i am

however, yesterday,
as i unraveled, openly
spilling buckets of mess,

someone listened

in exchange for honesty,
i received an open heart and
open arms and open love

this is not a post about
a breakdown

this is not a post intended to
gather up as many ‘sorrys’ as possible

(because i am not sorry)

this is a post for you, my love,
who exists bottled up,
aching from pain withheld,
who cries silently on car rides or
buses or while wandering pavement,
alone

this is a post for you,
who cannot connect, who
lives in loneliness and
gnawing emptiness and with a
vague understanding of loss

this is a post for you,
to tell you, to remind you,
of the willing love in your life

let it in

let it in
let it in
let it in

there is someone here for you,
always

much love,

zoe

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This entry was published on October 19, 2012 at 10:25 am. It’s filed under a serious note, emotions and stuff, head trips, honest conversation, life and living, life lately, life lessons, love love love, mental health, mental illness, rambles and writing, story time, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

3 thoughts on “break

  1. Yes, yes. I am the “you” you are speaking to today. Thank you for these words.

  2. I am the “you” too. It’s okay to be this way.

    :)

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