prove

last night a friend asked me, in jest,

“what, do you have something to prove?”

why yes,
indeed,
i do

my voice did not work
for a very long time

ill use left it rusted over,
like some metal reacting to rain

i will let you know:

rediscovering your personhood is thrilling

however,

as i wear my flaws
less apologetically
and simultaneously accept their existence,

every single second becomes a learning experience

yesterday felt like a day-long lesson

belief constructs the world in which a person operates

we hold tightly to the things we think and believe because
it feels as if our world may fall apart if we let those
belief structures collapse

they’re what we stand on

but

perspective is a funny thing to try and keep,
one whose importance i question repeatedly
the longer i spend time here, developing

not everything requires a battle and a victor and
not everything is up for debate

as a child i thought,
if people did not believe me,
i was a lie

so developed my need to prove,
to argue the smallest of points
as a means to say, “look!
look here, i figured it out!
i am smart, i am worthy. please, notice.”

the more i break myself down, the deeper i understand myself
(the deeper i understand myself, the clearer i see the world)

my friend’s comment yesterday, innocent and playful,
prompted me to a conclusion i’ve felt building inside for a while:

i am so busy proving to others i forget
the only person i need to prove anything to, truly,
is myself

letting go of the need to prove means
i am letting go of the need to impress, to be right

letting go allows me the space to listen,
to hear the multiple perspective of one, single, concept

we all live life differently

we all carry valid reasons

i am simply too attached to the ones i know

proving a point has a purpose
(say, for future lawyers who
want to argue for those whose
cannot argue for themselves
)

but when proving a point becomes
a point of constant contention?

that’s when you ask yourself,

what am i trying to prove, really?”

do you find yourself needing to prove your point?

much love,

zoe

(p.s: things i am also realizing: uuuugh. conclusioooonnnssss. hate.)

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This entry was published on October 18, 2012 at 1:34 am. It’s filed under a serious note, a word, head trips, honest conversation, life and living, life lessons, personal stories, questions, rambles and writing, thoughts and musings and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “prove

  1. do i ever…and i scarcely realized it until this year.

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