last night

last night i started writing.

i attempted completion but could not find the words to describe how i felt. i’m still searching, these sentences are fragments of a puzzle whose edges i cannot find. nothing makes sense.

except:

my lungs will not breathe

my throat will not release the
thousand screams it stunted
in compliance

i act out adjectives applied
to the girl i try to be

not the woman i am

vulnerability is a part of my mortality
i am trying to hide

honesty won me nothing past
repetitive eye rolls and ruins
of broken things
like promises

so eventually,
no one heard
a thing

passivity tamed me,
taught me

people like
peace signs and dreamy eyes

better than
sullen

i swallowed my anger
like i swallowed my pride

contained tornados
spin twice as mad

vulnerably,
i am

existing,
i do

in denial of basic truths:

i am a rider of self-created storms,
chasing endlessly

freedom i cannot find
because i forgot to look in my own hands

the season calls for rebellion,
for cultivating a voice that will stop
apologizing and

instead,
start actualizing
the truth my bones steep in

i am ready

to stop spinning

and

start

speaking

naked

words

much love,

zoe

(p.s: i am really disappointed by these words. they’re inarticulate. my fire got put out yesterday. somehow.)

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This entry was published on October 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm. It’s filed under a serious note, creative conversation, emotions and stuff, head trips, honest conversation, life, life and living, life lately, life lessons, mental health, rambles and writing, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

2 thoughts on “last night

  1. they are not inarticulate. They’re beautiful. Reading your blogs give me peace. :)

  2. Your words nor you are inarticulate.

    Dont stunt your words.
    Don’t swallow them.

    And honesty, probably, did win you things.
    It won you relief, space of breath, (re)new(ed) friendships.
    Authenticity.

    If you ride self-created storms, you can’t stop spinning. Storms are just spinning air. While the eye of the hurricane is the calm place, it does bring total destruction. Is that what you aim for? Rather move and spin gently, like a breeze, than appear to be calm yet to be not, like the eye of the storm. No?

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