noticing

i am sensitive to cycles and patterns

currently,
i am riding the repercussions of overextension

nurturing ‘me’ time is not easy

as a woman in recovery
(from bulimia, anorexia,
binge eating, exercise compulsion and
the general self-harming thoughts)

noticing my behaviors is necessary

recovery, in all its newness,
requires regular monitoring
in order to remain regular

recently, i allowed life’s
low level stresses to deplete
my energies

i am not sleeping well
i am overly emotional
i am ignoring my body’s needs

most damaging of all,
i am excusing under eating
followed by periods of over eating

it makes me uncomfortable

i believe in balance,
in happiness through health
(mental, physical, spiritual, emotional)

the other day i asked myself,

“if you know what’s right, why don’t you do it?”

well
change is hard

releasing yourself from old patterns and rhythms
allows you the space to develop new, beneficial ways of
living, thinking, being, and doing

i am so thankful for the subtle responses i experience in my body,
for the uncharacteristic reactions to life which draw attention
to the areas i need to show a little love and consideration

each time i regress,
i learn how to turn around
faster

my initial reactions are changing for the better

today, though i am happy,
vague anxiety calls for recognition:

there is more healing to be experienced

balance is a practice,
like any good habit

confronting issues and
breaking them down into understanding
no longer hurts

i am healing

this is my process

what are you noticing?

much love,

zoe

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This entry was published on October 6, 2012 at 5:02 am. It’s filed under a serious note, body chit chat, body stuff, eating issues, emotions and stuff, honest conversation, life and living, life lately, life lessons, mental health, movement conversations, questions, rambles and writing, thoughts and musings and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

4 thoughts on “noticing

  1. i am noticing that despite the body/food/exercise baggage this culture tries to pile on me, my body still loves what it loves.

    i am noticing that anzac biscuits taste better when they’re a few days old.

    i am noticing how very true something my friend said two years ago is: that relationships that ask you to endure regular stress, uncertainty, and drama are the ones that aren’t worth doing the enduring for.

    • those are lovely things to notice, holly. hope australia is treating you beautifully. and hope your new space is letting you notice many more things!

  2. I am noticing I need to allow myself
    to heal again

    I can want to, but it’s not gonna happen if I don’t allow myself. If I don’t let myself.

    As long as I keep thinking
    that this is what I deserve;
    this incompleteness; this chaos
    Then I will forever break
    But never break through

    If that made any sense?
    And still, realizing, again, is not enough.
    I need to allow >change<
    But how?

    • sooz, i think you answered your own question: as long as you keep thinking this is what you deserve, you’ll be stuck. as long as you keep thinking negatively. allow change to happen in your mind. everything else will follow.

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