growing pains

growing pains used to mean my bones ached

but my bones stopped stretching a long while ago

now, my heart aches,
my soul stretches,
far, far, far

and leaves me exhausted

mentally,
i cannot keep up

importantly,
i am trying

the cusp of twenty-three
feels like the cusp of sixteen

i feel grown
unsupported
uncertain
concerned
and wildly hopeful

emphasis on wildly

because i am not sixteen anymore
i am moving closer to
mid-twenties
(eek)
and
more wisdom
(an age related gift)

i know now
difficult moments eventually lead to times
breathless with brimming happiness

i see bigger pictures instead of only
frustrating places i currently inhabit

things right now are far from perfect:
i hate my job
my voice won’t sound
i don’t know what i want
i feel perpetually misunderstood/unaccepted
i am sick/not sick all the time
and nearly always tired

i am growing and
the processes is not comfortable

change never is

my goal:
finding serenity in the chaos

i think i can do that

what are you experiencing right now?

much love,

zoe

(p.s: the thought of having to work in less than an hour gives me anxiety. i can live through almost anything save for work i loathe. why?)

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This entry was published on August 29, 2012 at 6:12 pm. It’s filed under emotions and stuff, head trips, honest conversation, life and living, life lately, life lessons, mental health, photography, rambles and writing, thoughts and musings and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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