bodies

i really hate how attached to our bodies we are

(my shoulder and an earring i am really sad i lost)

how we use them to judge ourselves
to judge others

in america
bodies are institutes for shame

in europe i watched women eat bread
and ice cream
and pasta
not gluten free spinach pasta
pasta-pastas
the kind overtly body conscious people replace with salad at dinner

now
i know we can say
‘it’s because they walk every where!’
or
something like that

but

that’s not really an excuse, is it?

we talk about bodies like they shape the person we are completely
like big thighs means less heart
or
round tummies means cruelty
when all it means is
big thighs
and
round tummies

maybe if we talked about other things it wouldn’t matter
maybe if we redirected our attention, positive and negative, elsewhere
we wouldn’t worry so much

because, the truth is,

i’m really tired of talking about bodies.

i’d rather talk about things like
writing
eating
books
love

my body is round
squishey and
i feel beautiful
most days

to call myself beautiful and squishy out loud
sounds revolutionary
silly
and
boring simultaneously

my friend
one who met me as i stumbled into an eating disorder but didn’t stick around to watch me stumble out
my friend said something to me
on the phone
yesterday

she said
‘and i bet you lost weight from all the walking’
like it mattered more than the people i met or
the things i saw or
how achingly different i feel inside

i thought two things
one
‘what a funny thing to say to someone in recovery’
and two
‘she doesn’t know me at all’

the words
‘bodies’
and
‘contention’
don’t fit together to me

why fight the very thing cradling
the very thing you are?

so,
with that being said,

what do you love about your body?

and

better yet,

what do you love about you?

much love,

zoe

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This entry was published on July 4, 2012 at 3:19 pm. It’s filed under body chit chat, photography, questions, rambles and writing, thoughts and musings and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

11 thoughts on “bodies

  1. I love my little belly! I’ve lost a lot of weight over the past few years, and while my tummy has definitely gotten smaller too, I quite like the cute little belly I’ve got going on. I would miss it if it were to flatten and turn into those rock hard abs I’m supposed to desire instead. It reminds me of the rotund little Venus figures of old, with their pendulous breasts (somewhat like mine too) and their round bellies. What I love most about me right now is my ability to be happy on my own. I don’t need an outside source of joy or happiness to feel and be happy, all I need for that is inside myself already.

    • buddah bellies unite! they are our centers, after all. our physical selves branch out from them. i too would miss my softness. and i am SO HAPPY you are radiating inner happiness. THAT is inspiring, celynne!

  2. i’m actually really struggling with my body right now and it is totally crazy and i am so ready to be over it. i actually was abroad the past 4 months and even though I gained some weight, i initially was positive about it when I got home. Someone then made a comment about my appearance that completely threw me off and unfortunately I have let that one comment change my attitude and throw me into a funk. This was a beautiful piece and very encouraging. Thanks <3

    • happy you are encouraged, shelley.

      i know you know, but remember again: comments hold only as much power and weight as you give them. words are, a lot of the time, unconscious. and simply words.

  3. I have never felt better about my body than when travelling Europe! It was actually partially a health thing – I was eating good, whole food and I was doing a lot of walking – but it was more because there’s not this enormous sense of shame around your body. I felt nourished in more ways than one and proud that my body was taking me all over the world. That it was meeting people and trying new things.

    Especially the beaches. I would have thought the beaches would have made me most uncomfortable, but in Europe there’s not this sentiment that if you’re over a certain BMI you’re not allowed to wear a bikini. I told a friend this and she said “Yeah, I guess in comparison to all the fat old ladies in thongs I’d feel pretty sexy.” But that’s not what I meant at all. It wasn’t about being sexy. It was about enjoying the beach. It’s so incredibly simple…

    …and yet, back in North America, I hate my body again. Sigh. (I’m growing kind of fond of my boobs though).

    • yes, i agree. i concentrated more on who i was meeting and what i was doing as opposed to what my body looked like when i was meeting and doing. though, i didn’t eat as healthfully as you! i just wasn’t embarrassed about food, suddenly. and yes, enjoyment IS incredibly simple. we convolute that simplicity.

      please don’t hate your body. you’ve changed continents, not persons. (continue to love your boobs though).

  4. you already know how I feel about this post :)

  5. So glad you are back and I decided to check your old blog to find out! Love love love this post :)

  6. Zoe! I read your blog a couple years ago and am SOOO happy to see you’re back at it! I’m going through and reading all your old posts. Yay! nothing much to say other than that. but, you’re awesome. :)

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